Ah, love! It’s that time of year when angry TV football coaches send hapless men to Proflowers.com and Super Husbands protect their wives from blizzards with diamond necklaces. It’s enough to make the attached among us feel a bit queasy. But what about those of us still looking for a special someone?
While some single people relish a free pass on Valentine’s Day, for many the holiday is the loneliest day of the year. How can singles get in on the love?
Accessories for Lonely Men, by artist Noam Toran, attracted headlines in 2008, just as the number of unmarried Americans reached 45% of the adult population. These electronic girlfriend simulators alleviate masculine loneliness by suggesting the presence of a woman in the house. A Sheet Thief winds the bedclothes up on the other side of the bed while you’re sleeping while a Heavy Breather breaths hot air down the user’s neck. In the morning, the Hair Alarm Clock swings hair across the user’s face to wake him. On those quiet evenings that become too predictable, he can pick an argument with the Plate Thrower, a rapid-fire plate launcher.
But loneliness is hitting women even harder than men. Women make up 53.4% of the population of the unmarried population. For the first time in American history, there are more single women than married women. In honor of all of the women who have meaningful lives and successful careers, but sometimes want come home at night and experience the companionship of another person, SKD introduces Accessories for Lonely Women: products and services banish the more painful symptoms of solitude.
Automated text love: Men aren’t the best at this in real life, but it makes women feel oh so loved: This service sends messages of love and affection to your phone and Facebook wall throughout the day. Unexpected messages on your wall such as “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met” will put a smile on a woman’s face, and tell the world that she is loved. In reality, these messages are coming from a computer program sourced in India, but they most certainly make up for that outward expression of emotion that real men sometimes lack. So – perhaps this is better than the real thing afterall?
Beard confetti: One of the constant reminders that there is a man in your life are the tiny stubs of hair scattered all over your bathroom sink and floor: the ever present beard confetti. This automated sprayer plugs into your bathroom outlet and sprays tiny stubs of hair all over your sink for you to clean up – prompting the same matronly feelings of frustration with a real man’s lack of cleanliness.
“Let’s see what else is on” remote: Notorious for their short attention span and love of all things athletic, men are the best at changing the channel just as you are becoming immersed in this week’s Top Chef episode. This remote changes the channel to ESPN, and channel surfs unexpectedly while you watch TV. You can even argue with it, and it will reply with statements like “But I have to see the highlights!” or “Babe let’s see what else is on.”
Foot warmer that warms your heart: Possibly one of the most comforting products for lonely women comes in the form of a prosthetic leg. Okay, not really. This warm calf shaped log is made as a place to warm your feet in bed. Just stick it under your covers and the texture of a man’s leg will provide a secure place to warm up your toes after crawling into bed.
“White Noise” bodily sound machine: Last but not least – this is not just a fart machine, ladies. This ongoing stream of sound mimics the everyday ‘life-related’ noises a male companion would make. Ambient noises of shuffling, burping and occasionally farting make you feel as if someone is really there to produce those sounds that we women just love to hate.
At SKD we believe that bad ideas can be very good things. A few uncensored bad ideas can get the creative juices flowing. In their irreverence, bad ideas push beyond accepted parameters of convention, relevance, or marketability. And sometimes, with a few tweaks, they turn out to be not so bad after all. Stay tuned as we reveal the best of the “Bad Ideas” born at SKD.